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A CASA Volunteer’s Guide to Building Strong Relationships with Foster Children



As we approach Valentine’s Day, a day dedicated to love and connection, it’s the perfect time to reflect on the importance of building strong, supportive relationships with children in foster care. For children who have experienced trauma or have been separated from their families, building trust with an adult can be incredibly challenging. However, as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volunteer, your role in creating a safe and consistent presence in their lives can make a world of difference.


Why Building Relationships with Foster Children is Crucial

Children, especially those in foster care, are at a critical developmental stage. They’re navigating the complexities of identity, independence, and social relationships, all while trying to cope with past traumas, uncertainty, and instability. For these children, having an adult who genuinely listens, offers support, and consistently shows up can make a lasting impact on their emotional well-being.


As a CASA volunteer, your relationship with a foster child is more than advocacy in the courtroom. It’s about providing a sense of stability and security in their day-to-day lives. You’re not just a volunteer—you’re a role model, a listener, and a steady presence who helps build trust and provide emotional guidance. 


Tips for Building Trust with Foster Children


1. Be Consistent and Reliable

One of the most important things you can do for a foster child is to show up. Consistency is key in building trust, especially for children who may have experienced instability and abandonment in the past. Whether it’s showing up to scheduled visits, sending a thoughtful message, or simply following through on promises, being reliable helps foster children feel that they can count on you. Your presence, both physical and emotional, communicates that they are important and worthy of care.


2. Show Empathy and Patience

Children in foster care often struggle with feelings of anger, confusion, and fear, especially when it comes to forming new relationships. As a CASA volunteer, showing empathy and understanding is crucial. Instead of rushing to fix their problems, be present with them in their emotions. Allow them to express themselves without judgment, and let them know that their feelings are valid. Patience is essential—earning their trust may take time, but demonstrating genuine care will create a safe space for them to eventually open up.


3. Active Listening

For many foster children, simply being heard can be a transformative experience. Active listening is one of the most powerful tools in building a relationship. This means giving your full attention, asking open-ended questions, and repeating what they say to show that you understand. When children feel truly listened to, they’re more likely to trust you and feel safe confiding in you. Let them know you are there to support their voice, and that their perspective matters.


4. Respect Their Boundaries

It’s important to recognize that foster children may not always feel comfortable opening up, and they may need time and space to trust you. Respect their boundaries and allow the relationship to develop at their pace. Avoid pushing them to share things they’re not ready to, and instead focus on creating a positive, supportive environment where they feel safe to talk when they’re ready. This respect will further solidify the trust you’re working to build.


5. Communicate Through Common Interests

Building rapport with a child can be easier when you share something in common. Find out what they’re passionate about—a hobby, sports, music, etc.—and use these interests as a bridge for communication. Discussing topics they care about helps create a sense of connection and opens the door for deeper conversations. It shows that you’re interested in them as a person!


6. Offer Stability, Not Perfection

Foster children don’t need perfect relationships—they need relationships that are stable, reliable, and grounded in love and care. Show them that they don’t have to be perfect to deserve attention and support. Share your own imperfections and vulnerabilities to demonstrate that everyone, no matter their past, deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.


7. Advocate for Their Needs

Being a CASA volunteer means advocating for a child’s needs, both emotionally and practically. If a foster child needs counseling, educational support, or help with a personal issue, use your position to advocate for those needs within the legal system. By ensuring that their emotional and mental health needs are met, you’re not only helping them heal but also showing their well-being is important.


Valentine's Day: A Time to Reflect and Rekindle Connection

Valentine's Day is traditionally a time for expressing love and affection, but for children in foster care, it can also bring up feelings of loneliness, rejection, and grief. It’s important to be especially mindful of these emotions during this time. Use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to reaffirm your commitment to the foster children you support. A simple gesture—whether it’s a card, a kind note, or an extra hour of time spent together—can remind them that they are cared for and loved.


In addition, take this time to reflect on the love and care you give as a CASA volunteer. Your role is one of unconditional support, and even though your work may be challenging, the positive impact you make on a child’s life is immeasurable. Your consistent presence is a form of love that many children in foster care desperately need.

Volunteer as a CASA of Sangamon County, IL

Change a Child’s Story

For children who have been abused & neglected trying to navigate the juvenile court and social services system, a CASA advocate can mean the difference between homelessness and a safe dwelling… dropping out or excelling in school… unemployment or a career path… incarceration or freedom… failure or success in life. At any given moment, they have the power to say this is not how this story is going to end. easy.

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